A couple days after Halloween I was showing an old friend of mine, and her friend from France around Granville Market. We were stopping to get coffee when I started chatting with a guy I bumped into over the previous weekend. I'm trying to be pretty sly about what I say and how I say it because I was pretty embarrassed about how drunk I was the last time we spoke. (I was really excited when I saw him on the Halloween weekend so I drunkenly thought that slapping his arm multiple times would be a good thing... There's gotta be something more to alcohol). So we carry on this conversation and a couple of times he had to ask me to repeat myself- I thought this was only because he was hard of hearing and because there was a lot of background noise.
Once we had gotten the coffee and were finished with the market we stopped into the Granville Island Brewery to relax with a local pint. And this is when the subject came out... "Mer... you know when you're trying to flirt you mumble... a lot... it's like you don't have a space between your words... you sound like this" (And talked like someone who has a jumbo gum ball stuck to the roof of their mouth... in a flirty manor). Then I realized. OH MY GOODNESS I DO!
I don't know what it is or why I do it, but in order for me to casually flirt or patch things up with someone else I talk like I'm at the dentist having a metal pick being scrapped across my teeth. I just get so embarrassed that I try to say what I need to say without them actually hearing it. I believe when I was talking to that guy from Halloween I sounded like this:
"hiyeahowwastherstofurnitehahahahahahaaahhaaaaaaaa.......uh.yeapretycrazyseeingyouyeawowsodrnkcraaaaaaaaaaaaaazy....hangovermajoryeayeayeayeawow.....sofunnycrazywowyeayeaseeyea,bye"
Translation:
What I said: "Hi... yea how was the rest of your night? .....Hahahahahahahaha... ("Uh" to myself) yea pretty crazy seeing you...... wow I was soooooooo drunk, craaaaazzy..... Major hangover forsure.... Yea yea yea... wow...... So funny eh.... wow..... yea yea see yea, bye"
What I wanted to say straight up: "WOW I was super trashed that night- I don't remember a thing- Sorry for hitting your arm so many times, my elbow kept spazzing up... Yea I'm going to get it checked out, I think it runs in the family... No..No... There's no incest in my family..... Yeah......... Well I'm going to go drown myself in vodka so I can also forget THIS conversation"
However, I very much doubt the conversation would have morphed that way... but in my imagination, if I wasn't mumbling than this is what would have turned out to be.... If he could have heard what I was saying.
Mumbling... It really saves.
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